Change of plans, I’m not going to Canaan with the rest of the Kenyans. I have a better offer to work, study and go to a gym in Estonia.
See, we are living in interesting times where Kenya is voting for a new President, South Africa is voting to oust their President, Nigeria doesn’t know where their President is, Rwanda pretended to vote for their President and Ugandans don’t know how old is their President
So if I leave Sweden, I might need a more stable country where I can lay low as I wait for the election shenanigans to cool down.
How did I get this lucky? You ask?
I met the Estonian diplomatic representative to Kenya Kadri Humal Ayal courtesy of die-hard rotarian, writer and fellow Ya-hoodie, Carol Kimutai.
Well, I didn’t really meet her in person but on my Facebook wall and under very embarrassing circumstances. Just a few minutes after I had dusted myself from a fall at the gym.
This is what happened. I had just completed my 100kg ass to grass squat set when I realised that some guys were watching. I could read intimidation and admiration in their faces. So, I decided to impress some more. I decided to use the abductor machine as another squat tool. It can work but it’s main job is work the inner thighs.
You should have seen me cross over to it. Strutting in my imaginary heels and pushing out my imaginary puffed chest. Frankly speaking, a gorilla had nothing on me. Anyway, I fell flat on my ass. From glory to grass. Then everyone was pretending they didn’t see that. Once again, I had embarrassed my country and this time I was very sure I would be deported and even left behind when everyone was moving to Canaan.
So, I posted my fears on Facebook and even suggested that I should seek asylum in Estonia. And in 10 minutes Carol had arranged a visual meeting with her excellency herself and I was offered gym asylum. Thanks to the Estonian Consulate in Kenya through the approval of her excellency Kadri Humal Ayal herself.
My only request to people moving to Canaan is: that please don’t forget to tag me in the photos.
Let’s keep in touch!
PS: Do we need to vaccinate ourselves against leprosy?