Guys, let me let you in on a secret. There is no need for you to move abroad if you already enjoy the luxuries I’ve stated below. I know I’m petty but hear me out. I will just get straight to the point so this is the end of my intro……

Housegirl –Guys, not unless you are willing to pay someone a befitting salary manze sahau hiyo story tu. And am talking a salary that#s taxable. Not sh 5000! This salary should afford her rent and smooth lifestyle for a month. And life in Europe is expensive so you do the math.  And you have to treat them like a deserving human being.   If you shout or mistreat them just know that you will not get away with it. Utalala ndani my friend.

Mama Nguo- You will never need that. All homes are installed with washing and drying machines. But we know mama ng’uo occasionally cleans houses as well. Here in Sweden they really discourage that and term it as demeaning. I know some people still go ahead and do it but if caught. Ole wako!

Mistakes diaspora make when investing back home

All season Kitchen Garden-Forget it and get used to eating frozen vegetables. Or plant a few veggies on the windows of your house. If you are lucky to afford large tracks of land, you can only plant your spinach’s and tulips in summer for three months!

Large tracks of land- Kamugunda this, kamugunda that. Forget it. The cost of land abroad is so expensive. Some people  spend a lifetime paying for an apartment. So imagine the land rates!

Kenyans, majuu is very lonely…..

Deni kwa local- I actually giggled as I typed this. Story za Njoki adding your Ng’ang’o on your debt book is a no no. To start with, no one serves you at your table. You buy your beer at the counter and sit your ass down and repeat the same if you need a refill. And don’t insult people when you are drunk. Not at this era when crazy people are targeting bars for mass shooting. Drink your poison and do you drama at home. Quietly, not to upset the neighbours!