How I avoid suicidal thoughts abroad

Guys, today I want to address mental health.

Anyone who follows me on social media know that I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past.

I knew I had depression in 2015 when I worked as a journalist at one of the main media houses in Kenya. I was at the peak of my career as a journalist. But I think my depression had been building up for two years.

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So one day, I collapsed at work. I was sweating, weak joints and pain in my heart. I thought that I was dying. But when I got to the hospital, the doctors told me I was fine, and just dismissed me as tired. This went on for almost five months. I was on and off work.

I would get irritated easily and shout a lot. I started spending a lot of time alone or with very few people that I felt comfortable around. I lost weight and friends. I stopped enjoying things that I previously loved doing.

Apart from my close friends who suspected that something was wrong, everyone else thought i was weird.I remember an acquaintance of mine describing me as ‘special’ in a negative way. As depression took a toll on me, I started to contemplate suicide. I came close in Mombasa while on holiday when I tried to drown myself in a pool. It was a painful trial, perhaps because I’m a coward. It takes a lot of courage to commit suicide.

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After three years of struggling to overcome her depression, I decided to change my lifestyle. It was on December 31, 2015. I had tried pretty much everything. The most irritating thing for me was the blurry vision and nausea. In fact, at some point, I thought that I had cancer.

Then after doing research online, I discovered the gym, which became my pathway from depression. I can’t live without the gym. I have also learned to vent out and share my struggles abroad through my blog.Lately, my side hustle as a hairdresser has also become a distraction for me from the stressful office vibes.

I actually shared this with the Saturday Nation Newspaper.

I don’t share these stories so that you can feel woiyee for me. No! I do it to inspire.

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It was quite heart breaking the other day when I shared with a friend some research I had done regarding this topic and she questioned my intentions. She didn’t think I should proceed with it. People are so afraid of educating themselves regarding his topic and that’s why everyone is afraid to talk about depression and end up committing suicide.

Have you or your family and friends struggled with depression and how did you deal with it?

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