How to be a Swede!

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Surveys show  European people tend to be cold compared to people from other continents. I have met very awesome people here  so some of these surveys are based on stereotypes. Just like the image they paint on TV that Africa is a poor continent. That said, some countries tend to be colder than others. Especially the Nordic countries i.e Sweden, Norway and Denmark.

When I say cold, I’m referring to both the weather which  influences personality.

Some  of the Swedes I have met are so introverted that I don’t know how to behave around them. But I’m learning, slowly. That if they engage me in a conversation I should just stick to the point . No one is interested in my mother’s kitchen garden or our family cat. And the more I learn their language the easier it is for them to open up to me.

I have picked up some obvious habits that I would like to share with anyone having a hard time settling  or planning to visit the Viking’s country here are some tips……

How to be successful middle class in Nairobi

  1. NEVER sit next to anyone in the bus. Even if this trip takes hours. Stand in a secluded corner with your earphones on. If someone sits next to you make sure to run away from them as soon as there is a vacant seat in the bus/tram.
  2. Avoid eye contact. You can stare at dogs, horses and cats but NEVER stare at a human. That’s risky. What if they greet you and invite you to their house and become best friends forever? Resist any temptation of looking out and admiring nature. Please stare at your phone till you get to your destination.
  3. NEVER own a colorful outfit. And if you do…let it be some shade of pink. BUT…you can wear colorful outfits to the gym!
  4. Flash a tight smile when you see an immigrant. Do NOT show teeth. You can hug them ONLY when you are under the influence of alcohol.
  5. Own a dog and take it everywhere. Tell EVERYONE how your dog hates alcoholics or some strange story. Make sure your dog behaves. Owning a barking dog  in public is as embarrassing as having a rowdy child.

Disclaimer : This a humour blog so we tend to get dramatic over here. No hurt is intended towards any race or religion.

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