Kenya has several defense forces. The most most vocal and armchair unit is called KOT (Kenyans On Twitter). Kenyans On Twitter are an immensely intelligent bunch. Smart and witty. On a normal day, their duties include:

1. Insulting government officials, Zuku, Safaricom and KPLC

2. Tribal jabs and memes.

3. Friendly fire with Nigeria every now and then. Mostly reminding them that we almost pronounce the word ‘Water’ better than they do.

4. Inventing more middle class problems.

5. Correcting Sonko and Joho’s grammar.

Until a foreigner threatens the dignity of the land of Obama’s father. Then this unit is also incharge of:

1. Deportation.

2. Fact finding i.e Marriage and education certificates.

3. And creating long grammatically correct arguments.

4. Trying to get people that have annoyed them sacked from their jobs