I was going through the internets the other day just to catch up on the madness in the news.

Then I bumped into an interesting article where some guy who works for an ad agency was accused of cyberbullying a former beauty queen. Why? I have no ?.

This reminded me the unsaid occasional cold war between Diasporans and people back home.

And I think I found a solution to this.

Kenyans, this is how you speak to a Swede!

1. Stop showing off

If you moved to America in 1984 and still think that your homecountry is where you left it then brother man you need to hide your cheap Gucci. Kwanza Kenyans are so woke they don’t even recognise international designers more than they appreciate local designers. And your photos in a second hand Mercedes please ficha kabisa. People are importing brand new range rovers. And loose that American accent. They know that Yugoslavians don’t speak good English let alone that accent you are trying to front!

2. Keep old friends

Keeping old friends will help you keep in touch with activities and development back home. That way you won’t be caught up in a bubble that makes you think that living abroad makes you a better human. It keeps you sane my guy!

Watu! This is how you get a job in Sweden.

3.Choose your battles

Listen, you don’t have to respond to everyone who comes at you just because you live abroad. Some will attack you if you are married to a white guy. Some feel that you are sleeping with the colonialist. While others feel that you are betraying the country for not staying there and hustling together. They don’t understand it and won’t understand it. Don’t explain. Let them argue with themselves. Don’t be caught up in myopic discussions!

4. Stop comparing

Now, if you have a habit of comparing progression between your adoptive country and country of origin just stop. Gwachana nayo! Kenya is a developing country and it’s doing all despite all the backtracking our politicians do. By the way this point is the reason for all this cold war am talking about.

Things to do in Sweden during summer

5. Visit home

Tembeleaga watu ocha nanii!

I understand that this is expensive but if the situation allows you please try and visit atleast before the end of five years. It’s important. And if you can’t please keep intouch with your family. Call them atleast once a week.