Can I call my bestfriend black?

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First let me clarify that we are not the first interracial bffs….. is that even a thing?

But I live in a country where you have to be careful what you say because you could easily offend someone.

Personally, I made a decision to NEVER start any conversation because I might end up making an enemy while my original intention was to make a new friend.

Yeap, Sweden made me shy!

But before you feel so sorry for me just know that I have a friend. Someone I can be myself around. Her name is Jenifer Reina from Guatemala in Central America.

I’m introducing you to Jenny because as most of you may have seen on my Instagram and Facebook page, I will be Vlogging alot. And Jenny will be part of it once in a while.

I remember the first day I met Jenny in class I was sitting in my secluded corner as always. Any efforts to socialise had hit the wall. I had too much energy and everyone I tried to socialise with acted a bit strange.

Mistakes we make as immigrants

But then Jenny happened. We have been friends for six months now but we have seen each other through so much stuff. Maybe you might think am being dramatic but making friends at this age in Europe is not a walk on the park. Jenny has seen me have a meltdown more than once. And she still looked for me. She didn’t give up on me or think am weird.

So the other day we were talking about all the political correctness and how much it affects you as a human being. I got a little curious and asked Jenny these questions….

What did you think of Africa before you met me?
I thought of Africa as an exotic place that is well known because of its beautiful wild animals. A country that has both poor and rich, with a big social gap but also that is on its way to development with people living in small or big houses. I make the clarification of people living in houses because once I met a person from U.S.A. and he told me that he thought that all Guatemalans lived in trees. Making the comparison with my country, I also know that in Africa there is a percentage of indigenous people that live in tribes.

Why I don’t tell the African story

Is there a misconception about African people that you changed your mind about after our friendship?
Definitely! I want to have more friends as Cate. Honestly I did not have any problem meeting African people, I just hadn’t had the chance of meeting someone from Africa and building a friendship. And now that I have met my friend Cate, it feels like we have been friends from so long ago! The color of our skin (I am very pale) has never ever been an issue.

What question have you always wanted to ask me that you are afraid to?
I have already done that haha. I was afraid and still am of saying “black people” because it sounds racist. Media has created so much drama with the use of these words. But then Cate told me that there was no problem referring to someone this way. I still can’t say them openly but now I know what Cate thinks and how she feels about it.

Let Africa be!

What common thing do Kenyans share with Guatemalans? Based on the stories I tell you?
“Bailando” haha that is what my friend Cate always says to me when she hears me speaking Spanish. I think we share the same positive energy and sense of humor, where we just laugh for no reason at all, just for making the best out of life. I think Kenyans and Guatemalans are very social and friendly people that are always willing to help someone even if they have just met the person for 1 minute. Regarding the country in general, I think we share almost the same warm weather and the same social and economical differences. I still haven’t tried Kenyan food but I can almost be certain that we share the same taste in spices and variety of flavours 🙂

Apology letter to Swedish mosquitoes

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Dear Viking Mozzies,

How are you? Hope you are not too tired from the late night rounds from door to door trying to find a human to suck blood from.

My neighbour’s cat is using me

I understand that your job is not only physically but emotionally draining especially after some of us mercilessly murder your relatives in cold blood. I can’t even begin to picture how painful it is to walk into a room and see your relative stuck on a wall. That’s not something anyone should ever have to live through. I did it. Ok, I do it all the time.

But recently my sins caught up with me. A day after killing one of your own by crushing them between my hands and mercilessly turning them into a piece of art on my wall, I developed a rush. Yaani, I woke up the next day with pimples all over my body. Even on my scalp. And then I began scratching and then I concluded that some of you had attacked me in revenge for what I had done to one of you.

Swedish Mosquitoes tried to murder me

And so I ranted, cursed and told everyone about you. How, you, unlike your cousins in Africa bite and leave marks. Can you believe what I did to your reputation? I know you probably hate me so much. I can imagine how much pain and distress I caused you and ruined your otherwise…eer good..eer …whatever name.

I’m sorry because it turns out that this had nothing to do with you. That this was a virus. The second bout of chicken pox. I suffered chicken pox and blamed you and for that, I totally apologize. However, I would like to ask you for a favor. Can you please attach some weird doctor who could not differentiate between your bites and chicken pox? I will share details of his address once you accept this apology and get back to me.

Swedes are sad, I imported flu!

You don’t need to come to my house. Just write, use smoke signals, horns or any other form of communication you find appropriate. I will appreciate.

Yours truly,

Self-confessed serial killer of your relatives.

Swedish Mosquitoes tried to murder me

Mosquito bites on my back

Guys, my life is in danger.

No, really, I’m very serious. I was attacked by mosquitoes while I slept and now I have pain all over my body due to swollen lymph nodes  fever, scratching  and a swollen lump on the back of my ear.

At some point I was so irritated and confused I thought I would die. I  suspect that the mosquito that bit me was rebellious a child. The type of mosquito that skipped school to play with other kidsquitos. At some point it stole neighbours apples in mosquitoville. It probably catcalled it’s  neighbours teenage malequitos.

This is the type of mosquito that grows up and spends most of its days at the jobless corner waiting for politicians to pay it to ‘rusa mawe’. Saitan!

Gothenburg, a city without secrets!

So picture how my day at work went on. In  a Swedish corporate office trying to remain sane and not scratch myself ngwararang ngwararang. I can’t afford to let my colleagues think that I imported leprosy.

Guys, I suffered. Then I also developed some sudden pain on my ankle  and couldn’t walk. what did this mosquito do to me? Wrestle? What did I ever do to it? I know I had killed one of its relatives a night before but surely, it could have waited to fight me while I was awake…..coward!

So yeah guys, that’s where my life is at the moment. Nursing mosquito bites from hell. If I don’t post  new blog post please feel free to type R.I.P. Imagine what my tombstone would read; HEREIN LAYETH THE AFRICAN WHO WAS MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD BY A MOSQUITO WHILE SHE SLEPT! And then Nigerians would make pictures of me and circulate them online forcing everyone to type Amen to that.

PS: Don’t forget that the sh 10,000 GIVEAWAY competition is still on. Click HERE for detail on how to participate.

The dog that ate underwear and other stories

Happy New Year guys!

Sorry I have not posted in a while because I have been busy settling in a new job.

I have dropped the pen indefinitely to pursue a career in customer relations at the Volvo Cars headquarters here in Gothenburg Sweden.

That, however does not mean that I have not been encountering the usual drama. As you may all recall, in my last post, I announced the death of our beloved Kisang’ule. Just to recap, Kisang’ule the loyal mongrel was poisoned by thugs.

Meanwhile, here in Sweden one of my confidante’s dog had a close shave with death. The dog had stomach issues for close to a month and eventually had to be rushed to emergency.

Guess what was ailing him? The damn thing had swallowed a tennis ball. Tell me, what hunger can lead a ball to swallow some furry plastic object?

REST IN PEACE KISANGULE

I was really trying to be empathetic while listening to this sad story and could not keep a straight face anymore when my friend shared other examples. Like the fact that another dog swallowed socks and underwear. Guys, pause for a moment and imagine a vetinary surgeon inform you that your missing boxer or red thong has been retrieved from your dog’s intestines.

I swear, I don’t make this shit up so don’t look at me like that.

In other news, am entering this blog for nomination Bloggers Awards Kenya in May. You can also submit it on this link: https://submit.bakeawards.co.ke

I fit in creative writing, new blog and topical issues categories. Don’t forget to enter url as: http://catemukei.com

I hope we get nominated and hopefully win. I am really counting on your support!

Who impregnated the family cat?

Kisang’ule photo bombing yours truly!

The last time I wrote about the family cat, I was complaining about her feeding habits.

The damn thing had developed a weird appetite for avocados. That was just when I had moved back home in preparation to move to Sweden. This was in March.

I left my father, Kisakwa’s house in April for Sweden and went back to visit in November and guess what, the cat was pregnant.

Full blown pregnancy. Type of pregnancy that gets a cat too lazy to even meow. I can swear I saw a rat play with that cat’s tail and it didn’t even bother to go after it.

Sorry, I can’t handle snow!

The cat getting on to the family way got me wondering:

Who impregnated her?

Do cats have sex?

Do they get married before?

Do they have mother in-laws?

Which reminds me, the last time she gave birth, she ate nine of her kittens and kept one. What type of mother does that? How I’m I supposed to explain to the world that our family cat’s favourite delicacy is not a rodent but her own children and avocado?

Anyway, I got to catch up with Kisang’ule our loyal mongrel. My only worry with Kisang’ule is that he has developed a penchant for rich dogs type of games.A typical village dog should only come close to humans in the evening when he knows he is about to be fed leftovers. But this dog! Where are his manners? He is so disrespectful to a point he wanted to be in all my pictures. It’s like he went on a crash course on how to become a professional photo bomber!

But I love him. Infact, my feelings for this dog came to life when he followed me to the bustop the other day as I was headed to my friends house for a sleep over. He got so confident and though that he could sit in the middle of the road and the vehicles would stop for him. You know, like my dad does all the time?

Guys, I dropped my handbag and dived into the road and sent him home after a thorough spanking. He did not play those rich people games with me for two days. I didn’t care. I had saved his life!