Let Africa be!

First of all let me clarify that I have some amazing white friends who would be totally embarrassed to read this story.

This is not a racial profiling story but rather a story of a good night gone bad!

So the other day I attended a networking event that left a very bad taste in my mouth.

I was really dissapointed because this is something I had been looking foward to for weeks.

So what happened?


One of the speakers and a founder of the association said that she was involved in a project that didn’t go so well. “We were so excited about this project and we were about to do what white people do; save Africa!” I promise you guys. I did not make that up.

That ruined my mood and any ambition to be part of that women only movement because the lady in question is one of the founders. I was disgusted!

That was a case of White Savior Industrial Complex in general, because there is much more to doing good work than “making a difference.” Forgetting there is the principle of first do no harm. There is the idea that those who are being helped ought to be consulted over the matters that concern them.

But can I blame her? She probably has never travelled to Africa. I wonder what she is saving Africa from? From previous misdeeds by former colonies?

But how does one even think like that? Is it guilt and now trying to cover up for all the bad treatment? Is it what they watch on TV? But Sweden did not colonise anyone so why guilty? Perhaps guilt by association?

It’s so hard to share such a stories and others I have experienced because they are too stupid and sometimes even I can’t believe it happened.

I share these stories on my blog as therapy because like I said in my previous post; no one really understands it.

Blogging has been very therapeutic for me and I’m even happier that it has been nominated for 2018’s Bloggers Association of Kenya Awards in the Best Creative Writing category. To vote please follow this linkhttps://vote.bakeawards.co.ke/ .

UPDATE: I received an apology for this from the said organisation and I’m meeting them next week. I will update!

No new friends!

Guys, I just clocked a year in Sweden. I’m not sure how I feel. I have progressed alot careerwise but I’m afraid I may have lost some human values in me.

See, living in a new country is one thing but a new continent, extremely different culture has been tough. And I’m black. So have I experienced racism? Well, not outright but I’m treated differently. So draining when people assume you don’t know so much just because you come from Africa. When people try too hard around you. I’m black and being black is not a disability so stop being too sensitive around me. It’s disgusting!

Those unspoken weird behaviours have left me wondering if we as Kenyans are too nice to foreigners. I don’t trust myself anymore. How will I behave if I move back home? The fact that I even have such thoughts makes me believe that some bad people and their negative energy have gotten into me and broken me. Sad but that’s the truth.


I’m also at a point where I don’t want new friends. Not because I hate people but the process is really draining. Making new friends should not sound like a job interview. I don’t want to be anybody’s black token friend and when it comes to my African people; I don’t want people all over my business. It is for this reason that my conversations with people will henceforth began with: “Hi” and quickly end with: “Bye”. No small talk. Sounds harsh but I’ve had it.

I’m sorry for the negativity but I needed to vent. It’s very difficult to vent to anyone without sounding petty or insecure. This a personal struggle that even my loved ones cannot understand or assist.

Aside from that, this blog has been nominated for 2018’s Bloggers Association of Kenya Awards in the Best Creative Writing category. To vote please follow this link https://vote.bakeawards.co.ke/ . I hope I make you happy enough to want to vote for me.

I’m moving to Panama!

So much has happened since my last blog post.

Most of it cannot be posted here because I still need the few friends that talk to me to keep doing that.

Guys, I live in a a country where one could stop talking to you because you sneezed. I swear I didn’t make this up. A friend told me she lost a friend because of her bright coloured clothing.

Anyway, I lost my ATM card a few weeks ago. I only noticed a day later and transfered all my money to my overseas accounts in Panama. Ok, fine I exaggerated but I did transfer it to a different account. See, most of the time if you lose your card you lose your money too. But my case is unique. A day before Easter, I received money from an unknown sender. And I thought to myself: “Illuminati is that you?” So I called a friend from Jehova witness to pray for me, informed my village witchdoctor and finally the bank. Not necessarily in that order but you get the gist?


My bank told me if I want to know the source, I have to pay them on an hourly basis. They also warned me not to use the money incase the owner comes for it. Ghasia! I’m planning to sue the bank and it’s relatives for suspense and mental torture.

As for whoever put the money there, I will find them and ….and….well there isn’t much I can do.

Aside from that, this blog has been nominated for 2018’s Bloggers Association of Kenya Awards in the Best Creative Writing category. To vote please follow this link https://vote.bakeawards.co.ke/ . I hope I make you happy enough to want to vote for me.

How I got Lupita back to Wakanda


Four years ago, Hollywood based Kenyan actress Lupita Nyong’o won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.

It took her a while before she came back home to Kenya and that got some of us insecure. So I wrote her the letter below:-

Dear Lupita,

First of all, let me congratulate you for putting Kenyans on the global map by winning that Oscar in 2014. At least Kenya is now known for something else apart from wildlife, the Maasai, athletics, terror attacks, warring politicians and corruption.

Before I move on to my main agenda, I must also applaud you for declaring to those clueless journalists that the Oscar belonged to you and not Mexico. I mean, it belongs to you and us – Kenyans.

That said, Amondi, your Kenyan fans are still waiting for the homecoming Oscar party. Nyar Seme, do you know how it feels to see you fly past Kenya to Uganda.

In preparation, I have several venues in mind. We will party till the break of dawn as we take selfies with your Oscar. How much is it worth by the way? We can hire professional bodyguards to watch over as we dance the night away. Don’t worry, bouncers no longer disappear with millions as they used to six years ago.

Back to the venue details. Of course we will secure a fancy place away from half-lit strip clubs frequented by bleached women who gained fame from silicon enhancements protruding from their bums.

We will also avoid nightclubs around that busy street in Westlands where nubile girls suck on a bottle of lager for seven straight hours. Maybe, after all, we might hire a reputable events organiser to set up tents and flashy lights at the top of Ngong’ Hills where we can fly in selected guests to avoid city floods.

We promise to invite the crème de la crème of celebs and a few St Mary’s and Rusinga school alumni. I’m sure you won’t mind hanging out with President Uhuru Kenyatta, Youth Fund Chair Bruce Odhiambo, rugby player Biko Adema, Kitu Kidogo singer Eric Wainaina and TV personality Jeff Koinange. They are all ‘Saints’, right?

While at it, I hope you can also talk to the Rusinga School management to stop suspending kids with dreadlocks. I mean, you are living proof that success has nothing to do with hair, right? By the way, was it not at Rusinga where you made your debut in acting playing a minor role in Oliver Twist? How old were you, 14?


Lupita, is it okay if we also invite some of your Kenyan colleagues from Phoenix Players? It’s only fair since this is where you began proper acting. Remember playing Juliet in Romeo and Juliet before leaving for Hampshire College in 2001?

We understand you have a very tight schedule and your movement is closely monitored and controlled by your management. Speaking of management, they are yet to reply to 11 emails I have sent them since 2014. Tell them not to take President Uhuru’s meat wrapping stories too seriously.

I would hate to imagine that you are avoiding home. We saw the selfies you took with Ugandan comedian Ann Kansiime and even wrote a tribute to her on your Facebook page.

The last time you featured Kenya on your Facebook page was a post you made about ugali and sukumawiki. Do you ever miss us like we do?

You went ahead and credited your hair inspiration for Cannes Festival to Ugandan women. I cannot blame you for that though; there is nothing inspiring about weaves made of cat fur and horse tails. I also noticed you wore a dress similar to the famous Nairobi Blue gown you wore at the Oscars. I’m talking about your green dress at the Cannes. Was it inspired by Ugandan matoke?

Did I mention that I’m proud of your acting skills? No? Of course I loved what you did in 12 Years A Slave as Patsey and a bit disappointed by the minor role they gave you in Non-Stop. I really hope that they will do you justice in Star Wars. If they don’t, we can always attack them on Twitter with a battalion of hashtags and memes. If that does not work, we can always send fans of a certain Kenyan football club (names withheld)with a lorry full of stones.


Rumour has it that you are about to land in South Africa anytime this month to shoot the Ugandan inspired movie, Queen Of Katwe. Please be careful because our brothers down south have gone nuts and are stabbing anyone they perceive to be a threat economically. Be careful. While at it, chunga mizigo yako. Those guys are thieves.

Did you get a boyfriend by the way? I heard you broke up with that Somali boy K’Naan and got a little flirty with actor Jared Leto. Don’t sweat it. Come home. We will get you an African man preferably from Ingokho land. We have noticed your cheekbones and shoulders. You need to feed!

Lupita, my dreams are also valid, so I believe this letter will get to you!


social climber,

Cate Mukei

NB: This article was first published by this writer on The Nairobian Newspaper in 2015.

Politically correct saints!

You guys know how much I loathe middle class characters in Nairobi.

I have evenmade fun of their superficial lifestyle in this blog before.

So anyway I have met the Swedish equal to Kenya’s middle class. The politically correct individuals.

Those guys are amazing. They behave like NGOs. They do everything to feel better about themselves. I have actually grouped them:


This politically correct type of person is the most annoying. A know it all who thinks third world countries don’t have internet. This type of person completes your sentences and acts amazed that you went to school just because you are from Africa. Their compliments are things like: “Oh! You are smart.” Then stare in your eyes for like 10 minutes probably to see if you have eyeballs just like all human beings.



The snob will never talk, stare or even acknowledge your existence when it’s just the two of you. But just wait until3 you are with other people! All of a sudden they are introducing you as their bestfriend. It’s hillarious.


This type of politically correct human hardly travels, reads the news and thinks their country is the best. But to cover it up they behave like they are interested in your stories. So they hardly listen to anything you say. They have a permanent facial expression talking to you since they are absent minded. They are not interested in anything you say. Try cracking a joke; they’ll still act shocked instead of laughing!


This one assumes that your IQ levels are really down. So they take over as your teacher and translate every conversation in English using tonal varion, facial expressions and graphs and diagrams. These people mostly exist in networking platforms.



These ones hardly share opinions or comment on anything. I’m slowly starting to fall in this category. Coming from a background where conversations are mostly based on current affairs; I have quickly learnt that I should always avoid anything touching politics, gender, religion and race. I only talk about the weather. I love snow. End of discussion!

PS: I recently met a reader who was offended by my articles leading to some very awkward conversation. As a creative, I really hate it when someone tries to control what I put out here. It’s suffocating. Yes, I do write about my friends but ofcourse with their permission. I’m sorry I can’t please everyone but my intention is not to offend anyone. This blog is my therapy and sometimes the shoe will fit…..